Perusing This Weeks Barron's

I bought a copy of this weeks Barron’s at the local news-stand on Sunday. Yes, an actual print copy of what seems to be a vanishing medium. Literally shrinking, Barron’s is an inch or two shorter than it used to be.

The cover story is their annual “Roundtable” where they ask a bunch of financial people (“a bunch of financial people” is one of those technical economic phrases that no-one understands, look it up on Wikipedia or consult Alan Greenspan, if you don’t know what it means) to predict the future. Of course, no-one can predict the future so I don’t know why Barron’s does this every year. I also don’t know why I shelled out five dollars for the magazine, either.

Can you say “conflict of interest”? Sure you can. One of the bunch of financial people that was asked to predict the future is Pimco’s Bill Gross. You know, the big “bond guy” (another technical term). Bill Gross recommends that you buy two corporate bonds and three closed-end funds. Now, out of these three closed-end funds two are from Pimco. Yes, the company that Mr. Gross works for. If I buy the funds Mr. Gross recommends I might make some money, I might lose some money. Mr. Gross, however, will certainly make money, BECAUSE HE WORKS FOR PIMCO. Smells fishy to me. Barron’s should lay down some ground rules for these guys and gals, like, YOU CAN’T RECOMMEND YOUR OWN STUFF!

Last year Mr. Gross had three picks. One made money, one was even, and one lost money. The one that was even was a Pimco fund. If you had bought this fund you would have lost money, due to inflation. If you had bought this fund Bill Gross most certainly became richer.

By the way, Alan Greenspan works as a consultant for Pimco now. Also, Bill Gross doesn’t need your money more than you do since he is worth about 1.2 BILLION dollars. Now, that’s not Pimco I’m talking about, Bill Gross personally is worth 1.2 billion dollars.

One of the full-page advertisements located near this article also does not inspire me to part with any of my money. The ad is for Gorilla Trades. The spokesman for this ad is none other than 60’s heart-throb Davy Jones. Yes, the former Monkee. He says: “Even after all these years, I still like to monkee around, but when it comes to my finances, I invest like a Gorilla! After all, why trade like a monkee, when you can invest like a Gorilla?” Me? Well, I think I’ll just continue to invest like a human being. OK, Davy?

Barron's this week: Investment advice from Bill Gross AND Davy Jones. On reflection, maybe the five dollars was worth it. I never knew that reading Barron’s could be so much fun.